Women and alcohol: a problem with its own face

For a long time we have pictured alcoholism with a single face: that of a man who drinks at the bar, who loses control in public, whose deterioration is visible to everyone. That image, repeated endlessly, has left in the shadows those who live with dependence in a different way, one that is quieter and more alone. Many women drink, suffer and fall ill without anyone around them ever suspecting it, because their drinking does not fit what society expects a drinking problem to look like.

At Reconectar, in Las Palmas de Gran Canaria, we accompany women every day who have carried this weight in silence, often convinced that their situation was not that serious or that they had to solve it alone. We want to talk about it with the gentleness it deserves, without judgement and without drama, because understanding what is really happening is the first step towards being able to ask for help and to receive it.

A common and, at the same time, invisible problem

Alcohol consumption among women has grown notably over recent decades, in many settings approaching that of men. Its visibility, however, has not followed the same path. Female alcoholism remains a frequent yet curiously invisible problem, as though we did not want to see it. And that invisibility is not harmless: it has very real consequences for the health and the lives of many women.

A good part of that invisibility has to do with the way many women drink. Often, the drinking takes place at home, in solitude, after everyone else has gone to bed or while a thousand everyday tasks are being attended to. There is no scandal, no scenes in public places, no obvious collapse. The glass of wine repeated every evening, the one that accompanies tiredness or distress, can increase little by little without anyone noticing, not even the person herself.

To this is added a double social judgement. A woman is expected to be a caregiver, a container of others' needs, always available and «with everything under control». When she drinks, the gaze she receives is not the same one a man would receive: she is judged more harshly, her worth as a mother, as a partner, as a professional is called into question. That added stigma pushes her to hide the problem, to minimise it, to live it with a shame that encloses it even further in silence.

Why alcohol affects women sooner and more strongly

Beyond the social, there are biological reasons why alcohol does not affect men and women in the same way. It is not a matter of resistance or willpower, but of how the body works. Knowing them helps us understand why the same level of drinking has different consequences.

• A lower proportion of body water. A woman's body tends, on average, to have less water and a higher proportion of fatty tissue than a man's. Because alcohol is diluted in the body's water, for the same amount consumed the concentration in the blood turns out to be higher in women.
• Differences in metabolism. Women usually have less activity of certain enzymes that break down alcohol in the stomach, so a greater share passes directly into the bloodstream. The body, quite simply, processes it in another way.
• The «telescoping» phenomenon. This is one of the most important and least known findings. It describes how, in women, the path from drinking to dependence and its complications tends to be travelled in less time. Even if they start drinking later or in smaller amounts, the illness progresses faster and the consequences appear sooner.

All of this means that a woman can develop a serious problem with alcohol earlier, and with amounts that in another person might seem «normal». It is not exaggeration or fragility: it is biology. And understanding it this way helps to leave guilt behind and to look at the situation with more compassion.

What lies behind the glass

Alcohol is rarely the underlying problem. Very often it is the way found, almost without realising it, to hold up a life that weighs too much. Behind the daily glass there is usually an emotional story that deserves to be heard.

Double shifts are a reality for a great many women: paid work and, on returning home, another full shift of caregiving, household tasks and the emotional management of the whole family. The burden of care —for children, for elderly parents, for others— still falls unequally upon them, and it is a weight that exhausts with hardly any rest or recognition. In that context, alcohol can become the only moment that feels «one's own», a way to switch off at the end of a day that never ends.

To this are added loneliness, which can be very deep even when surrounded by people, and unresolved experiences of trauma, including experiences of violence or abuse that leave wounds alcohol seems to soothe for a few hours. Very frequently, moreover, drinking coexists with anxiety or depression: one drinks to calm the distress, to sleep, to stop thinking, and the alcohol itself ends up worsening that discomfort in a circle that is very hard to leave alone.

Specific health risks

Precisely because a woman's body is more sensitive to its effects, alcohol carries specific risks that are worth knowing about, without alarmism but with honesty. For the same level of drinking, damage to the liver and to other organs tends to appear sooner. It is also associated with greater cardiovascular vulnerability and with a significant impact on mental health, intertwining with the anxiety and depression that often accompany it.

There is, in addition, a dimension that is not always named: alcohol affects hormonal and reproductive health, and drinking during pregnancy entails serious risks for the development of the baby. Nor can we forget the emotional and relational ground, where the erosion of self-esteem, isolation and the breaking of bonds hurt as much as, or more than, any physical symptom. Naming these risks is not meant to frighten, but to offer kind reasons to take care of oneself and not to wait until everything gets worse.

Why women ask for help less, and later

One of the most painful aspects is that women tend to ask for help less, and later, than men, when the problem has already advanced. It is not from a lack of will or awareness, but because of very concrete barriers that weigh enormously:

• The shame of acknowledging the problem, fuelled by that double social judgement that makes a woman feel she has failed at what she «should» have upheld.
• The fear of judgement from family, friends, the workplace, and the dread that the label will stay with her forever.
• The fear of losing custody of her children or of being branded a «bad mother», a fear so real that many prefer to stay silent rather than risk having asking for help turned against them.
• The feeling that there is no time, that she cannot allow herself to stop because everything and everyone depends on her.

Understanding these barriers is essential, because they explain why the silence lasts so long. And they remind us that no woman should ever have to choose between caring for herself and caring for those she loves. Asking for help is not abandoning anyone: it is recovering the possibility of being truly present.

An approach without judgement, designed for her

If the path towards drinking has features of its own in women, help must have them too. An effective approach cannot be limited to «stopping drinking»: it needs to look at the whole story, with a gender perspective, attending to the emotional burden, the caregiving, the loneliness and the trauma that are so often at the root. And, above all, it must be free of reproach. Judgement does not heal; understanding does.

At Reconectar, in Las Palmas de Gran Canaria, we work with an open method, without residential admission, which allows each woman to continue with her life, her family and her responsibilities while she goes through her process. Care is provided directly by the therapists, with a close and continuous relationship, without intermediaries. We offer support in person or by video call, so that distance, schedules or the care of others are not an obstacle. And everything takes place within a strictly confidential framework, where each woman can speak freely and feel safe.

Our purpose is simple to state and profound to sustain: to create a space where there is no need to pretend, where shame can be left at the door and where each step is taken at the pace each person needs. Because recovering is not only about giving up alcohol, but about recognising oneself again, about reconnecting with oneself and with the life one deserves to live.

Taking the first step

If you recognise yourself in these lines, or you recognise someone you love, allow yourself to know that what you feel has an explanation and that you are not alone. Female alcoholism has a face of its own, yes, but it also has a way out of its own, made of listening, respect and accompaniment. You do not need to hit rock bottom to deserve help; it is enough to want to feel better.

At Reconectar we will be glad to listen to you, without judgement and with full discretion, when you decide the moment has come. You can take that first step calmly, in your own way and at your own pace. We are here, in Las Palmas de Gran Canaria or wherever you may be through a video call, to accompany you in reconnecting with yourself.