Emotional dependency and relationship addiction

What is emotional dependency?

Emotional dependency, or relationship addiction, is a pattern in which the person makes their wellbeing, their self-esteem and their identity depend on another person, usually their partner. The relationship stops being a free bond between two people and becomes a need that is very hard to escape, even when it causes suffering.

It is one of the hardest patterns to recognise, because it is usually confused with intense love. The person feels they cannot be alone, fears abandonment above all else and seeks in the other a constant validation that never quite feels enough.

Symptoms and warning signs

Emotional dependency is often experienced as love, which makes it difficult to identify. These are some characteristic signs.

• Intense fear of loneliness or abandonment.
• A constant need for approval and contact with the other person.
• Cancelling out one's own wishes, opinions and needs for the relationship.
• Tolerating harmful situations for fear of losing the bond.
• Feeling anxiety or emptiness when the other person is not there.
• Going back again and again to relationships that cause harm.

The difference between love and dependency

Understanding the difference between healthy love and emotional dependency is key. Healthy love adds: life is shared from a place of freedom, each person keeps their own space, friendships and identity, and the relationship brings wellbeing. Dependency, on the other hand, subtracts: self-esteem rests on the other, a constant fear of losing them appears and harmful situations are tolerated just to avoid breaking the bond.

A clear sign is to ask yourself whether you are in the relationship because it adds to your life or because you cannot bear the idea of losing it. In dependency, the bond is maintained more out of fear than out of shared wellbeing.

Causes

Emotional dependency usually has its roots in the person's emotional history: early experiences of insecure attachment, emotional deprivation or a self-esteem built on external approval. When personal worth is sought outside oneself, the relationship becomes the main source of security.

Low tolerance to loneliness, fear of abandonment and certain beliefs about love, such as the idea that to love is to merge or to sacrifice oneself completely, also have an influence. These patterns can be reviewed and changed.

Consequences

Emotional dependency generates a deep wearing down. On a psychological level, anxiety, depressive symptoms, low self-esteem and a chronic sense of emptiness and insecurity are common.

On a relational level, the person may remain in harmful or unbalanced bonds, cancel themselves out and lose their support network and their interests. The suffering tends to repeat in successive relationships while the pattern is not addressed.

Treatment at Reconectar

At Reconectar we treat emotional dependency with an outpatient, individual and personalised approach in Las Palmas de Gran Canaria, confidentially and without hospitalisation.

We work with cognitive therapy to review beliefs about love and self-esteem, and with motivational techniques that drive change. The goal is for you to recover your autonomy, rebuild a self-esteem that does not depend on anyone and learn to live healthy relationships, chosen from a place of freedom and not of fear. Learning to be well with yourself is the best foundation for connecting with others.